Do you have words for me? Words for Vu? They say the deeper the love, the greater the grief. This is surely my truth. I smile when fond memories run through my mind. I see the sun rise and find comfort that he can finally feel the sunshine on him. I receive his signs, his messages, his gifts to me with an open mind and full heart. I say thank you. I love you.
Then in an instant, I plummet into despair. Moments like when I stare at my screen trying to write his eulogy. I started yesterday, and right now I don’t even have 2 paragraphs. I read his letters to capture his words, as they are a testament to his character and his joie de vivre when he was living. I touch the lined paper, run my fingers over the ink, breathe in the lingering scent of cologne that he smeared on it with samples from GQ magazine, and I miss him so much. I turn to gaze at the stack of letters and realize that’s all I have left of him in this tangible world. The weight of this loss then crushes me and throws what’s left of my strength into the abyss. I curl into myself, arms clasping my knees, and soak in my own tears. Ugly crying. I know it’s okay to mourn. I know it’s okay to cry. But my mind travels to what I know, and I tell myself to suck it up. It’s worked many times since his passing. Tonight, it does not work. I allow myself to not suck up anything and to let it all out.
Maybe now the words I need to find to do justice to his man will come to me. I wrote the obituary, and it’s updated on his funeral site. Please, I ask of you, if you have any words that you’d like to send him or me or his family, use the link to leave a note. Your messages will be compiled into a memory book that the family can keep as a memento in the celebration of his life. The link also provides details for services. The services will be streamed live. We would love to have you join us remotely. And maybe you’ll want to hear me speak the words I’m struggling to write.